Wednesday, 11 April 2007

HOTD 4 FTWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!!!!!







Yesterday was the best of my HOTD 4!!!




my score from 1st to 6th stage


A
A
A
A
A
S!!!




WOOT....no Bs... and even and S!


I felt a little weird as I was still to used to the vibration of the gun in Parkway, the momentarily lost of concentration cost me one life in stage 1....and I did not get all the secrets

but....



I DID NOT LOSE A LIFE TO JUSTICE OR THE EMPRESS!!!! WOOT!


WHAT ARE THE CHANCES OF THAT...


HAHA



I guess I am typing in so many caps coz I have not been able to use my com for how long..


and. havent seen them for a pretty long time, and i felt pretty lonely...hmm...


haha...


Yesterday was a great reunion for all of us..

oh, and we watched The Reaping(NC-16...but due to my proness in lying and acting they let me in...i claimed I did not bring my ID card).


Pretty creepy though...hmm...A lot to do with bible and Christians/Catholics



It's great to be back with you all guys...

Looking forward to the next outing...



Sotong Cabin Crew, Deckswabber Benny boy signing out...


God Bless!

For God.

When Jesus saw that everything that was in the scripture was fulfilled, He said :"I thirst." There was a container of wine with hyssop. The soldier then took a sponge and filled it with wine, and brought it to Jesus' mouth. He drank it and said: :"it is finished". Then bowing his head, He gave up his spirit.


So there was the triumph of Jesus over death.

Dying he destroyed our death, rising he restored our lives.

The day before, Jesus washed the feet of his disciples...

The Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve, and to seek and bring back those who are lost.

"I, your Lord and Master, have become your servant. I who made the moon and stars, will kneel to wash your feet.
This, is my commandment: to love as I have loved you. Kneel, to wash each other's feet, as i have done for you."




I still remember...


His glorious entry into Jerusalem...The crowd was cheering, making a path for him, waving palms saying :" Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord"

Yet, it is the same crowd on Good Friday who handed him over shouting :' Crucify him, crucify him!"

The pure irony of it.

He who was among the people, preaching to them, persuading them to repent and turn away from their sins, creating miracles in the very eyes of those who did not believe Him, who came from the Father.

They revolted, making a crown of thorns and placed it over his head. Spitting at him, whipping him, beating him, carrying the cross that beared the sins of the world.

Why...

Why did he have to die...

Why did he even sacrifice himself...




Why
We rode into town the other day
Just me and my daddy
He said that I'd finally reached that age,
and I could ride...
Next to him on a horse
and of course was not quite as wild



We heard a crowd of people shouting
and so we stopped, to find out why
and there was that man
that my dad said he loved,
but today there was fear in his eyes...
So I said:'Daddy why are they screaming
Why are the faces of some of them beaming
Why is he dressed in that bright purple robe
I'll bet that crown hurts him more than it shows
Daddy please, can't you do something
he looks as though he's gonna cry
You said he was stronger than all of those guys
Daddy please tell me why
Why does everyone want him to die



Later that day, the sky grew cloudy
and Daddy said I should go inside
Somehow he knew things would get stormy
Boy was he right
But i could not keep from wondering if there was something he had to hide
So after he left,
I had to find out,
I was not afraid of getting lost.
So I followed the crowds,
To a hill where I know men had been killed
And I heard a voice come from the cross.



And it said:"Father why are they screaming
Why are the faces of some of them beaming
Why are they casting their lots for my robes
This crown of thorns hurts me more than it shows
Father please, can't You do something?
I know that You must hear my cry,
I thought I could handle a cross of this size
Father, remind me why,
Why does everyone want me to die?
Oh, when will I understand why?



"My precious Son, I hear them screaming
I'm watching the face of the enemy beaming
But soon I will clothe You in robes of my own
Jesus this hurts me much more than You know
But this dark hour, I must do nothing
Though I've heard your unbearable cry..
The power in Your blood destroys all of their lies
Soon You'll see past their unmerciful eyes
Look there beloved, see the child
Trembling by her father's side
Now I can tell You why


She, is why You must die.




The sacrifices we have made for Holy Week, now seem so trivial to the sufferings he beared,

Christ became obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.


What more for us...

Thursday, 29 March 2007

Lost it all....

Many things have passed in just another hectic week of mine...things like my computer perpetually breaking down on the whole family which restricts my already limited access to the virtual world even more...

The only way to go online now is through my school's com...which I can't always use due to my commitments, and even if can, only an hour...


Did many things..i watched Pope John Paul II today at RME lesson...cool movie..

One statement made by one priest was :' Anger, is not a sin. It is normal to feel outrage in the face of evil. But, how do you express your anger?'

This was said during young Karol Wojtyla's time when the Germans invaded Poland and he was going to confession to tell the priest about the hatred he felt towards the Germans after he witnessed a few soldiers kill a boy who merely stole a bag of potatoes trying to feed his family.





I am still losing sleep over what happened the last week...

I had a discussion, or rather, a debate in the light of showing him my results...he preached to me, lectured me, antagonizing me, throwing me in my face that everything that happened was duly my fault, which no doubt is.


He yaked on about having a time table, planning my future and life, about we coming up with this study plan "together"

He did the talking....I just shutted up not having the mood to even object because anyway I know that i will not follow it unless I want to. So basically it was HIS plan.

But then again, one topic which never failed to anger me time and time again when he spoke about it...was about my "nincampooped" friends..so to speak which he claims dragged me down for my past exams...

That was the spark that ignited my fire of anger...my patience reached boiling point...I shouted at him...

He has been using this phrase of his....for the last few months every time he told me off...

Gone were the days I hung out at Cyber with those smokers and vulgar people...And only my close friends from there remain my group..It is always my friends when my behaviour is bad...when my results do not meet his personal expectations of me...when I do not do what he wants me to do...

I told him, that i have discarded all those "bad friends" and I can say i have chosen wisely.

If you do not know them, don't even talk about them because you are not even qualified to, for you yourself was worse than me, hanging out with smokers, conspiring with your group to send a coffin to your teacher on Teacher's Day.

I tried to explain to him that, as a group we do not just hang out only...its not just about hanging out that really bond us together...this bond was forged over time, sweat, tears and happiness throughout this 2 years...but then, he said this

"Your friends are all older than you by 1-2 years. Because of your age gap, sooner or later you will be left out because they are not of equal level to talk with you. They will be talking about their own stuff when they go to Poly and you will become like a burden to them. Maybe they are too polite now to say ' eh ben, seriously ar, you are really tiring us out now' they may not say it, but deep inside they might feel this."

I was...


Stunned...




In a few words, I have lost all consciousness of mind...


I did not want to believe what he said, at which point I left the living room. I was in total confusion of myself...I felt alone...in limbo, separated from my surroundings with this statement...

I was feeling insecure, unhappy, fearful.......

Am i being..a burden...to those around me...?

Am i just being, a little boy, tagging along with whom I try to be with?





I do not even know what to do, what to feel, how to respond...


Is it me, who makes the group of friends feel incomplete, being the 'extra', the odd one out...

Ostracized, left alone, in a moment of solitary.




if i were to break away....I will never know what to do...leaving them...



There will go, everything I stood for, everything I kept myself going for, everything that I stood my ground and held out for....


if it were to be the case....my guilt would be endless...if I ever caused them any form of awkwardness or misery..

I never wanted it to be this way..





If i ever made any of you feel bad due to my presence




im sorry..........

Saturday, 24 March 2007

I'm B19! VOTE FOR ME.


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HELLO! NATHALIE HERE!
Do vote for me! B19! I made it to top 2o bloggers this time round! And I really do hope I will get my message for anti-dieting across!

To read the message that got me this far. CLICK HERE.


ONCE again, thanks for your support! And I really hope that this anti-dieting campaign will work out!
Show your support by voting!

Thursday, 22 March 2007

Feels so Long

So I have completed my 1st week of school...(tomorrow no school)...But without seeing all of you, it feels as though it has been a month, a year, a decade, a century..Had a difficult time pulling through this week...many trials and tribulations have come my way...and I was admittedly not facing them very positively and in the best way I could.

Results, explaining to tuition teacher for my consistent absence with valid reasons, persecution while doing my time consuming prefect duty post...

Its been hell of a week....

Despite the fact that I was so much looking forward to going out this week...the outing clashes with my servers training....and because its 1 more week to Holy Week, i must attend it...

Duty comes first, commitment...zzz


:(

That STILL does not stop me from being unhappy..=.=

TMNT ...seems like a good movie to me....


argh nvm...

Guess I will have to wait one more week...


You guys have fun alright???







Meanwhile, still trying to cope with schoolwork...COM IS NOT WORKING FINELY( took me 3 hours to get it working...)



FULL STEAM AHEAD FOR HOLY WEEK...



sacrifice 1st...enjoy later...


:D

God Bless

Tuesday, 20 March 2007

...

There can be nothing to save myself from the impending doom in a few months time

Results suck..I am even ashamed to type in here......

Lets just say I might as well just be a drop out...

I failed 3 subjects ( i dunno if u count combined science as 1 or 2...so lets say 1)



Even my 2 As cant save my ass now...


despite being taught by a good tuitor, I have still failed my weak subject....to a whole new level...i cant get any more worse literally...(u get the BIG BIG hint) , thus "breaking" a record...


And I think I had better switch my prefect duty...car porch really takes up too much of my time, even though I would love to help out...im just missing out too many DNT lessons in class........


I dunno wat to do for now...I think my problem is just more than academic....




I despise myself...I feel a failure in myself...I cant even go anywhere...as teachers reminded the class


"If you fail maths and science, you cannot even go to ITE.."

so...i suppose there goes my future.....for now.....



And this is only term assesment....wat about mid years, eoy....O levels.....

I guess you were right Rod....




But I suppose love conquers all

despite my bad results, mom still comforted me...and she told me to get back on my feet and try again....


Omnia Vincit Amour



God Bless...and don't ask me about my results pls..unless if i wanna tell you.. :...

Sunday, 18 March 2007

Way back into love

Way Back into Love

Music by Hugh Grant and Haley Bennett

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh...I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking from someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And If you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end.



Find your way back into love...search deep inside your heart.

God Bless!